Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize