I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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