I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
