I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
