The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
