I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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