her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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