I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
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There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
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Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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