Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
