everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
