I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
