Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
