Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
