you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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