I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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