I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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