i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
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