it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
