The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
