Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
