My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
