Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
