Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize