life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
