just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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