Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
