And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
