yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
