white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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