Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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