You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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