Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Acid is not a monday night drug
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
