my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
