How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
