Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
