she pinky promised me she was 18
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
