you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
