Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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