please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
