so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
