she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
