end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We're too hungover to prance.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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