Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
