i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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