The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
