i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
