Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
