she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Someone came in the potted fern
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
