omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
