i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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