I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
