I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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