The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
