just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
