Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
