There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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