i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
