I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
