someone get that fucking seahorse.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
