I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
In America we eat man semen.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
