And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
